Something I have always struggled with is that I care too much about other people, and not enough about myself.
I’m sure this sounds like a good thing, right? I’m not a selfish person, I care about others feelings and want my friends to be happy. My issue though is that it doesn’t stop there.
I have an inability to put myself first. I mean it when I say that I can’t put my feelings over someone else’s. I could be falling apart at the seams and still I will put my friend’s happiness above my own.
It’s why I stayed friends with my ex after he broke my heart, because he needed a friend. It’s why even when my depression is so bad that I can’t take anymore negativity I will still listen to my friend complain about her boyfriend.
It isn’t that I’m trying to please everyone, or that I need everyone to like me. It’s that I can’t imagine anyone feeling the pain I do. I know what extreme emotional pain feels like, and the thought of anyone I care about going through that kills me.
So not only do I shoulder my burden, I shoulder theirs. And maybe that wouldn’t be so bad if others did the same for me. If I help them share their load, then maybe they will help me with mine. That doesn’t happen though, so instead I’m carrying the weight of two when I can barely manage to carry one.
Word of advice to everyone reading this, please help those around you who are in need, but also remember to take care of yourself. You are not a bad person because you aren’t able to take anymore. You aren’t a bad person for practicing self care before helping someone else.